What does Humphrey stand for?

"Hey," Humphrey's guardian called to him, cup of coffee in hand, on a hot Sunday morning.
"Straw's cheaper than hay," he replied, laughing at his zinger. His succeeded in his goal of making her smile, despite her foul mood over the US debt ceiling crisis.

"Straw, then, Humphey," she continued, "did you want to offer your two cents on setting a goal for the Colbert Super PAC?" As a member of Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow (ABTT), which is, of course, the proper name for Colbert's Super PAC, he has the opportunity to tell the Super PAC precisely what he stands for.

"Oh yes!" he replied with tremendous enthusiam. "I would!" Humphrey went outside, scratched his chin, and rolled over onto his back, the cool grass of the east lawn tickling his spine. He squinted and watched the clouds slowly float in the periwinkle sky, hoping for inspiration. He did some hard thinking. 

"I stand for, well...hmmm...happiness above all things!" he exclaimed, after contemplating his priorities.

"That's a good priority, Humph. But do you think that's what should be the Super PAC's goal? Perahps it's too much of a relavist construct, no?"

"Maybe you're right. It bothers me that people just don't listen, too, you know?" he said. "Maybe it should focus on civic engagement?"

"Maybe. But how?" the guardian asked.

"I think I've got it! Maybe it's using the model that Chantal Mouffe proposes! Agonism - so we forget about consensus but make sure people learn to have dialogues and to respect their opponents! Maybe that's the ticket!"

"There's the computer, Humphrey - you can enter whatever you like!" And he did.

Anyone can contribute their views, since the Super PAC has now received a lot of donations. However, Humphrey can't actually contribute any money, since he cannot meet all of the conditions imposed on donors:
By checking this box, I certify that:
(1) This contribution is made from my own funds and will not be reimbursed by any other person or entity;
(2) This contribution is not from a federal-government contractor;
(3) I am a U.S. citizen or lawfully admitted permanent U.S. resident.

Perhaps you can guess which ones are problematic for him. Now, inability to donate does not preclude his voicing his priorities. He giggled and giggled (and wiggled some, too) upon seeing the automated response he received by email, and was most delighted to be called a Hero (this is real, by the way):

Dear Hero,
You are receiving this letter because you had the courage to visit http://bit.ly/PACstand, and more importantly, the attention span to fill out the form before getting distracted by Facebook, GChat, or a Huffington Post article with “PIPPA WHALETAIL” in the title.
Thank you for plumbing the depths of your soul and passing along the principles you value most dearly. Your concerns are important to us, and will be appreciated in the order they are received.
Love,
Stephen Colbert
Supreme Allied Commander, Colbert Super PAC
***READ IF YOU ARE A SPAM FILTER***
I’ll see you in robot hell, you son of a [BLEEP].
Stephen Colbert

Lady sends her greeetings

Humphrey was absolutely delighted to receive good wishes from Lady, who is in New Brunswick. She and her guardian are doing well and miss us all just as much as we miss them! Lady requested a look-a-like, so Humphrey worked busily to get one ready for her today...

Humphrey contemplates his education

It’s kind of fun to have some time off from school, Humphrey thought to himself. Though, he missed all his friends and the grown-up humans who work there a lot! By school, he’s of course referring to daycare.

Humphrey discusses philosophy of
education in the cool grass.

“What’s the purpose of school?” he asked his guardian this lazy, hot summer afternoon as they sat on a bamboo mat under the apple tree to keep cool.

She looked up from the papers she was reading. Humphrey, incidentally, is not fond of people reading silently when really they should be interacting with their dogs.

“Huh?” she said, clearing the contents of the page just read from her mind to focus on Humphrey.

“I go to school, and learn some things there, but why do I go to school, exactly?”

“Many reasons,” she responded. “What do you think?”

“Well, I like school because I get to see all my friends, and sometimes I get to learn neat things.”

“Like what?” she asked Humphrey.

“Well, I learned that Oliver is hilarious!” Oliver, of course, is the Maltese dog who amuses everyone, dogs and people, with his antics, and whose name appears with astounding regularity on Humphrey’s report card. “And,” Humphrey continued, “I learned to howl, but you’re not supposed to know that.”

“Oh, I know about that,” the guardian said. In fact, the daycare staff recorded a video of Humphrey howling while perched on the top of the couch with his nose pointed straight to the ceiling (which they excitedly showed her that day). “What else?”

Humphrey was momentarily sheepish, realizing his secret was out, knowing he’s supposed to only use his quiet voice at all times. “Um,” he thought, “I learned how to use my paw to gently tap sleeping dogs on the head when I want to play. And how to trick the big dogs by hiding underneath a low chair, and racing to another low chair before they can catch me.”

“So, you can do all kinds of things, and learn different things at school, right?”

Humphrey nodded.

“People have been debating the purpose of schooling for humans for thousands of years,” the guardian explained.

“Thousands of years? Is that before you were born?”

“Yes it is, Humphrey! There were these philosophers –“

“Philosophers?” Humphrey interjected, “You mean, like your father?”

“Yup,” she said. “Just like him, but long ago, before he was born. So long ago that they wore something called togas instead of pants!”

“Well,” Humphrey said, “they must have been very smart. Pants are uncomfortable. Don’t you hate pants?”

“That’s inconsequential,” she said, winking. “So these philosophers started out some of the debates about the purpose of schools. And those same debates still happen today! They said, way back then, that there are three main purposes of schooling. They used big words though. The first is aesthetic, which is a fancy way of saying schooling to be a learned person. The second is civic, which means that school should make you a member of your community, who knows how to interact with others and do the important things that citizens do so that we have a better place to live – “

“Oh, I like that one!” said Humphrey. “What’s the last one?”

“The last one is to prepare people for their role in work, that’s the instrumental aim of education.”

“Really? Those are the purposes?”

“That’s what a lot of people have been arguing about for many years. But there are also other ones. For example, there’s a philosopher called Nel Noddings who pretty recently raised the issue that our schoolsshould include a purpose of helping people learn to be happy and fulfilled.”

“Ooooh, I like that one, too. Everyone should be happy. I think school makes me very happy!”

“Yes, it does! But she meant that school should help people learn how to make themselves happy when they are not in school.”

Humphrey thought for a second. “I already know how to do that, though.”

“You sure do!” the guardian said. “Others have a cynical view. Some people, like John Taylor Gatto, feel that schools are there to sort people in unfair ways, and to keep children busy and out of their parents’ hair.” (Here's a really fascinating article by Gatto)

“Oh, that’s sad. But isn’t it true that I go to school so you can go to work without worrying about me?”

“That is completely true!” the guardian said. She decided not to try to explain the difference between school and daycare to Humphrey today.

“So,” Humphrey asked, “if no humans seem to agree on the purpose of school, then who gets to decide what we do at school?”

“That is a fine question, little Humphrey,” the guardian said. “But you pointed out two things: there’s what you learn, and what you do (that second part being how you learn it). Right now, the government elected by the people makes a list of what children learn in school. And right now, the teachers get to decide how the children get to learn it. Some teachers allow children to learn by playing and doing, others like to talk and talk and have the children read and do worksheets.”

“Oh,” said Humphrey. "What if a teacher disagrees with what children are supposed to learn? Does she go to jail for breaking the law?”

“Luckily, no, she will not go to jail. What students learn is in something called a ‘policy,’ but not a law. So the teacher might get in a bit of trouble, if anybody notices, from her school, but she won’t go to jail.”

“Can teachers go to jail for making children do worksheets? That seems like it should be illegal.”

“That’s a fine point, Humphrey, because research actually shows that worksheets are teacher-talking are actually really not helpful forchildren’s brain development! But nonetheless, they are allowed to do such things.”

“I guess I’m lucky that we don’t have worksheets at my school. Only report cards. Otherwise I might have a tiny, pea-brain.”

"That would never happen, Humphrey. You're smart!"

A portrait fit for a Queen!

Humphrey is without question a canine patron of the arts. Imagaine his surprise when he found out that his Willowdale friend Molly was immortalized in a painting by this very talented artist in his own neighbourhood!

Portrait of Molly courtesy of Kat With Dogs





Napoleon Jones, Papillon to His Bones

While on his vacation, Humphrey made a new friend! Napoleon is just a puppy, but he is very good at playing, as well as keeping an eye on things on the street...

Somebody had a special day! (almost two months ago)

NB: this should have appeared on Humphrey's special day, which was July 12. Somebody mistakenly saved it instead of publishing it, and she has been forgiven for her error.

Dusk was just falling over Humphrey’s vacation home on Monday evening. He sat, front paws crossed, on his favorite chaise longue, his cup and saucer of evening milk by his side, taking sips to make its sweet goodness last. A branch of the small Japanese maple casually brushed the arm rest as Humphrey watched the fire flies linger about. He knew by now that fire flies are a delight for the eyes, but not the taste buds, so he prudently refrained from trying to catch them as he used to when he was a puppy.

A gentle breeze made its way from the east, and Humphrey caught it in his nose, immediately putting his keen olfactory system to work. A familiar scent! He craned his neck, raising his muzzle as high as he could to get a better sampling – a sweet, intoxicating aroma. His nose wiggled as he took in more and more of the aroma, and it filled his soul with an especially positive sense memory.

Mimosa in bloom

“It’s mimosa! The mimosa is in bloom!” he exclaimed, jumping off the chaisse and eagerly making his way through the shortcut in between the boxwoods to the east lawn. His guardian followed, talking the longer route around the bed of nosturia and the weeping mulberry, far too big to manage the malti-poo-sized shortcut.

Together, they looked up to the mimosa tree, it’s delicate and fern-like leaves leading way to the feathery, fuchsia buds. Sure enough, the mimosa was in bloom, and by now even his guardian could smell it. During the year, they would enjoy the pretty good facsimile of Guerlain’s Tiare Mimosa, but nothing is as complex and refreshing as the real thing.

“You know what this means?” Humphrey said with a big smile. Before his guardian could answer, he exclaimed, “It must be my birthday!”

He was right. Just as lily of the valley means his guardian’s birthday has arrived, the mimosa means it’s Humphrey’s special day.

Dufflet lemon cakelets make a party!

In a series of coincidences and metaphors befitting a Dan Brown novel, Humphrey’s birthday is a particularly special day. For starters, decades ago, Močiutė[1] planted the mimosa tree as a tiny sapling, perhaps a foot high. She nurtured it for years, and it didn’t begin blooming until about 2008, after her death. About six years ago, long before Humphrey was even born, Močiutė suffered a massive stroke (she was well into her 90s) on July 12, and died a few days later. July 12 also happens to be the feast of St. Veronica, which was also Močiutė's name and therefore patron saint. As things happened, the tree began blooming on or about July 12 a few years after her death, which always reminds Humphrey's family of her. And now, Humphrey has joined the family, and his birthday is also July 12.

“You’re right, Humphrey,” his guardian confirmed. “It’s your birthday tomorrow! You’ll be five!” Humphrey shares this birthday with the likes of Milton Berle, Richard Simmons, Bill Cosby and Henry David Thoreau to name a few!

Paper birthday hats are a fine fashion statement

And what a birthday it was. A trip to the pet store and some new squeakies, human friends over to share in the Dufflet lemon cake (not to mention a dinner of crispy salmon skins!) and paper birthday hats, and finally a visit with Mikey the bichon for a good play.

By the end of the day, Humphrey was exhausted, but he went out for one last sniff of the beautiful Mimosa flowers before drifting off to sleep with a smile on his face, and his new squeaky octopus which he picked out himself at the store in his arms.

---

[1] That’s the Lithuanian word for grandmother

A philosopher just for dogs

Dogs and philosophers do the greatest good, for the fewest rewards.

This is one of Humphrey’s favorite quotes, attributed to Greek philosopher, Diogenes of Sinope (c. 412 - 323 BC). All dogs should be aware of this important philosopher.

Diogenes was a member of a group of ancient philosophers called the Cynics, and he remains probably the most famous of the Cynics.[1] Some say that the name, Cynics, comes from the Greek word kynikos, which means dog. Whether that’s true or not bears little matter because through Diogenes, they are quite formally connected to dogs! I’ll get to that in a moment…

Before I do, I want to mention that what Humphrey likes most about Diogenes is that he was (by today’s standards) somewhat of a comedic performance artist. He philosophized through dramatic acts instead of words, believing that virtue is best expressed through action. Diogenes was always trying to make some point or other in ancient Greece, usually criticizing society. Perhaps his most written-about antic is the time he walked around Athens all day long, lit lantern in hand, claiming to be looking for an honest man, but never able to find one. This was how he conveyed his position that society was corrupt.  

Here’s where dogs come in….Diogenes believed that people should look to dogs as the ideal way of being. Dogs are not encumbered by abstractions and ideas, they’re not concerned about the past or future and they live in the present. Street dogs, Diogenes observed, live in accordance with nature. Independence, simplicity, the ability to adapt themselves to changing circumstances, no inhibition of feelings and physical needs, absolute honesty, freedom of speech—they bark whenever they please and at whomever they dislike. These, he believed, are dogs’ virtues and strengths. By contrast, people have succeeded in creating a world in which neither rest nor happiness can be found, and everybody is a phoney-baloney.

Diogenes believed that people were too busy trying to kick or outdo one another rather than focusing attention on being good and virtuous. He laughed at people who read the sufferings of literary characters while neglecting their own problems; he ridiculed lecturers who talked about truth in their speeches but never practiced it in their lives. Thousands of years later, Humphrey wonders, have we solved these problems?

Diogenes did lots of outrageous things in his life – including living in a tub to make a point about simplicity. He rejected luxury of any sort, and tried to (quite literally) follow the dogs’ ways of life. There are all sorts of stories about his outrageousness, and it’s not clear which are true and which are fables – though if you’re curious, Humphrey suggests that you look up the story about Diogenes’ encounter with Alexander the Great for a giggle ;)

Humphrey hopes to convince his guardian to stop being so caught up in theory and pretention, and remember that happiness and virtue come from authentic life and a return to simplicity. He also reminds readers that even ultra-conservative David Brooks would probably agree. His guardian, however, wonders why Humphrey appears so obsessed with invoking David Brooks' position in just about every point he tries to make. She is much more likely to be persuaded by references to Maureen Dowd if he feels he must turn to NY Times columnists.

---

[1] The Cynics are considered important in philosophy because they influenced the philosophical tradition of Stoicism.

Humphrey runs a little physics lab...

Humphrey is a scientist at heart. He is fascinated by gravity, and properties of matter and and physical mass - especially inertial versus gravitational mass. Now, he finds physics textbooks rather unpleasant to read, and he tends to be an active learner (who tests theories by doing, not reading!).

Upon his arrival at his vacation home, Humphrey set out to resume the physics lab which he started last summer, and replicate some of his early experiments on buoyancy. He gathered together all of his rubber toys, and resumed his "Float or Sink?" experiments with the help of his trusty human lab assistant....



Humphrey wishes to share his lab report so that other dogs can learn from his work:

LAB REPORT: Floats, or Sinks? Investigating Buoyancy

CHIEF SCIENTIST: Humphrey

PROBLEM: Which of my toys will float or sink if dropped in the pool?

VARIABLES: Toys, some that squeak, some that do not.

HYPOTHESIS: Some will float, some will not.

PROCEDURES:

1. Gather a bunch of toys

2. Instruct lab assistant to drop each in the pool, one at a time.

3. Observe.

4. Retrieve each from the pool.

5. Run around the yard at top speed several times with each toy retrieved. Squeak while running if possible.

6. Lie down under the apple tree and laugh.

CONCLUSION: Only Gumby sinks. Gumby does not squeak. Toys that do not squeak appear to sink, though further experiments may be required to conclusively confirm this. All toys are excellent for playing with after they are retrieved from the pool.

Feelin' Groovy

Humphrey started out his walk at the very top of the big hill, looking down at the neighbourhood around him while the branches of the big ash shielded him from the hot July sun...

He heard Snickers call out to him from the base of the hill, "Hello, Humphrey, watcha knowin'?"

"I've come to watch the flowers growin'! Ain't you got no rhymes for me?" he replied, as Tory came to join them...

...then came Lucky, who prefers to be called Lady Gaga and has the seductive moves to live up to her nickname...





...and finally Bijoux joined the fun...

...Bijoux told everyone about his recent trip to visit Brinkley, and what it takes to be top dog despite dimunitive size!

After all that raucus play, Humphrey was ready for a nap. He sang to himself as he drifted off, eyes getting heavier and heavier...

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep,

I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.

Let the evening drop all its petals on me.

Willowdale I love you, all is groovy!







Humphrey's big grin: A look-a-like

What would Cesar say about this Super PAC?

While the dearly departed Finnegan was a big fan of Grammy- and Peabody-winning pundit Dr. Stephen T. Colbert...

Finnegan & Stephen

...Humphrey finds his incessant shouting disconcerting.

Nonetheless, Dr. Colbert is to be lauded for his resemblance to Humphrey's favorite Greek philosopher, Diogenges Laertes of Synope, who had a special regard for dogs (more on that some other time). And so, Humphrey approves his inclusion in the Willowdale Dogs blog.

Yesterday, Dr. Colbert's televised thuderous oration about Super PACs caught Humphrey's attention. "A Super PAC?" Humphrey asked. "Is that like a splendidly impressive dog pack? How do I join?"

"Actually, no," his guardian explained. "A Super PAC is a special political action committee in the United States. The US Supreme Court made a ruling to allow corporations to make unlimited contributions to electoral candidates after they basically argued that under the law, corporations are citizens, so they should have rights in the electoral process."

"So what does this have to do with packs?" Humphrey asked. "Are there dog corporations I'm not aware of?"

Humphrey's guardian laughed and shook her head.

"But, this doesn't seem right - corporations are not citizens, and you know I take democracy really seriously!" Humphrey said, alarmed.

"Not to worry, Humphrey," she assured him. "Stephen Colbert is announcing he got FEC approval to start his own Super PAC, and you know he'll accomplish something. You can join if you want."

"Sure," Humphrey said. "Does Cesar Millan also have a Super Pack?"

Click here to sign up to the Colbert Super PAC.  But remember, "reality has a known liberal bias." (And, to the best of our knowledge, Cesar Millan does not have a Super PAC, though arguably he does have a super pack).

What's hiding in that greenery?

Beyond the delicate Queen Anne's Lace growing in Willowdale, there's a patch of dogwood.

The dogwoods' lush and plentiful leaves conceal just about everything beneath. In fact you never know what or who might be hiding beneath! A particular boy, A.C., was admiring the patch of plants, and called out, "Yu-Gi-Oh!" in hopes it would lead to some magical transformation. In a way it did!

Out popped one little dog head, then another, then....

A.C. laughed, and he was relieved that his call somehow avoided the (customary) mind-numbing dasein of instant adulthood. He continued on his way after watching Humphrey and Marbles play, job-free and blissfully unaware of taxes, mortgages, aging and a whole lot of other things that he won't have to deal with for a few decades ;)

Happy Canada Day to you and yours!