Sunday, October 21, 2012

Elections already?

Humph's friends to the south are in the midst of election season, so he is pleased to share a favorite tale about those with tails to mark the occasion. It's based on a story told by Tommy Douglas - legendary Canadian politician and grandfather of 24 actor Kiefer Sutherland.


Humphland was a place where all the little white dogs like Humphrey, Marbles[1], Bijoux, Chakra and Bija lived and played, were born and died, and lived pretty much like you and I do. They even had a Parliament. And every four years they had an election. They used to walk to the polls and cast their ballots. Some of them even got a ride to the polls, because everyone knows how much dogs love their rides. And every time on election day, all the little white dogs used to go to the ballot box and they used to elect a government. A government made up of Big Fat Black Cats. Those cats were big – much larger than the little white dogs!

Now if you think it's strange that the little white dogs would elect a government made up of cats, just look at North American political history, and maybe you'll see that they weren't any stupider than we are. Now I'm not saying anything against the cats. They were nice fellows, they conducted the government with dignity. They passed good laws…that is laws that were good for cats. But the laws that were good for cats weren't especially good for little white dogs. One of the laws said that the doggie-doors on dogs’ houses had to be big enough for the cats to enter. Another law said that little white dogs had to travel at certain speeds, so cats could catch up with them without too much physical effort. All the laws were good laws for cats. But they were hard on the little white dogs, and life was getting harder and harder.

When the little white dogs couldn't take it anymore, they decided that something had to be done about it. So they went en masse to the polls. They voted the Black cats out, and put in the White cats.

The White cats had put up a terrific campaign. All that Humphland needed was more vision! They said, "The trouble with Humphland is all those round doggie-doors. If you put us in, we'll give you square doggie-doors!" And they did. But the problem was that the square doors were twice as large as the round ones, so now several cats could get into the dogs’ houses at once and eat all the dogs’ food. The Big Fat White Cats boasted about how they used binders full of puppies to solve problems of dog under-representation in government! For the dogs’ own good, they mandated invasive dog ultrasound tests!

And life was tougher than ever. When the little white dogs couldn't take that anymore, they voted the White cats out and put the Black ones in again. Then they went back to the White cats, and back to the Black cats, they even tried half Black cats and half White cats. They called it a coalition. They even got one government made up of cats with spots on them. These were cats who tried to bark like the dogs, but they still behaved like cats.

The trouble wasn't the colour of the cats, but the fact that they were cats. And since they were cats, they naturally looked after the cats, instead of little white dogs. Along came a little white dog named Harpo. Harpo had an idea!

Tommy Douglas reminds us to watch out for a little fellow with an idea.

Harpo went to the other dogs and said, "My friends, why do we keep on electing a government made up of cats, why don't we elect a government made up of little white dogs?"

"Oh!" said the little white dogs, "He's a Bolshevik!" So they put him in Jail.

You can lock up a dog or a man, but you cannot lock up an idea!




[1] Marbles, of course, has a colorful coat. But close enough.

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