West Doginia

Humph arrives in W. Doginia

Humph landed in the beautiful state of W. Doginia (WD) on official business. He had been invited to deliver a keynote to some canines in the U, S and A. They were dog educators who were preparing for a new academic year.



Humph waits in the wings as he is announced. By a human being. The canine audience was so tiny and furry, you can't see their heads over the seats!



Take me home, country roads - a rest stop on I77 near the "Elevation 3252" sign. No opportunities to stop and get really stunning shots :(

Humph had prepared notes and slides to deliver to his audience. He knew that the humans would introduce him - but he had no idea about what was to welcome his esteemed colleagues to the day of learning!

He arrived at the theater where said event was to take place an hour before "show time" to be hooked up to his wireless mic and set up his carefully-crafted videos about policy and learning.

As he milled about the stage, he spotted two dogs at a piano. The female was warmer her voice, while the male played scales on the baby grand.

"How nice," Humph thought, they will have music to welcome and calm the dog audience. Boy was he wrong!

At 9:00, the day started, and the Man With the Black Suit took the stage introducing himself as a district leader. He said his supervisor had prepared the Welcome but she could not be there.

Piano music began, and the Man With the Black Suit began speaking about education. "Education has changed," he said in an almost evangelical way.

"Alley-oop-oop, look at that caveman go," sang the female dog, accompanied by the piano. Oh, the showmanship!

Then, the Man With the Black Suit said something about the declining state of canine education. "Could have had it alllllll," the chanteuse mimiced Adele.

Whaaat? Humphrey was reminded of the Sweeney Sisters, a popular 1980s sketch on Saturday night live. She sang a few bars, and then the Man With the Black Suit resumed speaking. Every few statements, the singing would resume, with a classic tune recognizable to Humphrey thanks to his superior popular culture knowledge.  And the style of the music was beyond lounge. Was this ironic or sincere? He'd have to wait to find out.

The Man With the Black Suit continued, "Your canine standard of living here in the U, S and A is threatened by other country's successes! New policy will help our puppies succeed and achieve great things. You need to ignite these puppies passion for learning!" More songs, more talking.

Other countries' success a threat? Humph thought. What? But his thoughts were interrupted by an interlude of "Over the Rainbow."

The introduction concluded with the statement, "American freedom can only be preserved with an educated pup-ulation" followed by a soulful rendition of "God Bless the USA," supplemented by highly patriotic images of dogs and people at battle and in military uniforms. The dogs in the audience stood up, and some joined in singing.

Humphrey wishes that this tale was an exaggeration rife with creative license. But he could not make this stuff up. He was concerned about the nationalistic rhetoric, especially pitting the audience against "foreigners" whose success threatens this country's prosperity. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Nonetheless, he went on and did his keynote, highly self-conscious about his international status. Could he somehow shift the discourse to help dogs understand that this is a global community, not a competition? That everyone wins when we all have success?

Humph will not roll over and take that kind of rhetoric lying down! But he will lie down strictly for the purpose of intellectual contemplation, as shown above.